Couple Code

I miss the couple code. You know. The experiences and stories you collect as a couple that become a code common only to the two of you. Over time the code is less about the stories and more about the meanings you give them. Shared experiences, shared meaning. Ultimately the embodiment of the years spent together.


I miss that.

I know I mentioned that I don’t miss Pam. I do and I don’t. I surely don’t miss the woman who had me watch as she fell in love with someone else, driving me slowly crazy as more time went by and I could see her make new connections with her and sever the ones with me. But surely I miss the shorthand that every couple develops
And, now that the marriage is over, when do I stop thinking about that code when talking to friends and lovers? When do I stop automatically thinking in code and wanting to share the amusement with people who weren’t there and don’t know what I mean? There are just so many random times that could be summed up in couple code and it only makes sense to me. It is so frustrating and, depending on the day, time, or time of the month, almost cripplingly sad.
I don’t think there’s an answer to my question, other than time and a chance to have new experiences which make new memories and eventually morph into a new couple code. I just wish these things happened a bit faster.