Fetlife about me

About me (edit)

At the end of 2006 I had gastric bypass and lost more than half of my weight. Yep, that means saggy skin - everywhere. Thanks to miracle materials such as lycra and steel (corset, underwire), I look pretty good. Out of my clothes I am definitely not typical. Neither good nor bad, just not typical. And, now that I'm past age 40, I acknowledge that gravity isn't just a good idea, it's the law. So, for my own peace of mind, this is where I tell (warn) you that I have size 28-30 skin on a size 14-16 body.

I was slow to post information about me other than filling out interests, joining discussion groups, and providing basic information. I have been slow to move into the kink world as I was in a mostly happy same-sex marriage for 13 years. However she was very vanilla, very monogamous and, out of love and respect for her and her needs, I curtailed my need for outside and kinky relationships. It's easier than you think to accomplish this when you're living only in your head and ignoring your body. Now that our relationship has ended, I am not going to miss the opportunity to explore what I want from my life, preferably before it is over. This is life, not a dress rehearsal. You very very very occasionally get do-overs.
I identify as poly even though I am not currently partnered. I live alone with my cats and am perfectly happy to continue to do so. I have several current relationships, both kinky and not. If asked directly, AND it is pertinent, I will disclose them. Not all of them are on Fetlife and not all of them are relationships I will discuss openly. The people I'm involved with are wonderful, amazing, fantastic and I consider them to be family (they are my logical, as opposed to biological, family). They each bring different strengths to my life. I love and respect them and won't denigrate these relationships by kissing and telling. I let them know about any new relationships I begin but won't casually discuss them.


Type of submissive: definitely submissive in the bedroom/behind closed doors. I am not a bottom as I want more than just sensation, I want an exchange of power: I want to be submissive to a dominant. I'm not at the point in which I feel I can surrender total control to someone although the idea fascinates and attracts me. In most of the other parts of my life I am in charge/she who must be obeyed and paid to be the subject matter expert. I will not give that up and frankly cannot see me giving up total control and power to another person, although I should know never to say never. But I have a very strong independent streak in me (maybe genetic, it seems to run in my family) which makes surrendering total control difficult. I have a career, friends, and relationships that exist outside of a D/s relationship and are equitable/egalitarian. But, all that being said, there is something amazingly pleasurable both to me and in me when I serve. I like being ordered to perform without hesitation or question. I can and do submit willingly. I just don't know if I can do something like that more than occasionally and outside of the bedroom/behind closed doors.

I am a masochist with a high pain tolerance in spite of relatively easy bruising and generally looking rather fragile (or so I've been told). Yes I love being marked. All this being said, I still want to be fucked in every way possible while also providing the pleasure and service my dominant demands. I love the inner peace and mental quiet (my ADHD brain shuts up) that comes after being beaten. I like serving sexual sadists in that they can and have taken me to places I only dreamed about with orgasms that blew my socks off just by remembering.