itchy

Dear Gods I have an itch!
Yeah, that kind of itch.
After being low energy and kind of sick this week as well as having a lot of emotional ups and downs, I finally feel healthy enough, energetic enough, whatever enough to want sex. Not just play, but full on penetration sex. I want something in me and I want to come hard, loudly, and multiple times.

And none of my partners are available. Between scheduling issues, low energy, or just inaccessibility, no one is available to play with me or scratch my itch.

On the plus side, I had a very good conversation with one partner in which we realized that we are on two totally different planes right now and, at this point, neither of us can probably satisfy the other's needs.

On the down side, well - shit. We're on two totally different planes and neither of us can truly satisfy the other's needs.

There's no good resolution for this issue with one of my partners tonight. Sure, I can troll for someone else. But I hate that quality in myself as well as others, and in all honesty, I don't want to make a foolish choice and looking for someone for tonight seems like a foolish choice.

Which leads me to question myself, this itch, and comments from family that I'm silly, immature, and irresponsible. Yeah, I know. It's family saying this and these people are bug-fuck crazy. But they're family and their words echo (poorly) in my mind and soul. Yeah, it sears my soul. Society says these are people who should know me best, but the truth is that these people don't know me at all.

I have not shared with them details of my life because I know my choices are an affront to their moral fiber. I am bisexual, I am poly, and I am kinky/masochistic. This is added to the fact that I'm pagan and rebellious as well as someone who has been estranged from them for years.So, given all of these variables, it is no wonder that these people do not know me. Yet anything they say has such power.

No good answers for anything tonight. Sigh.